The Fear

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These pills, when first prescribed, terrified me.

I have to take these, it is within my own best interests, for my physical health. The mentality I had when on anti-depressants of ‘it doesn’t matter’ does not work here.

My mentality was forced into, ‘it doesn’t matter how, it just matters that you do’. So, I hid them in food and tried to trick myself into believing I wasn’t taking medication – it was just a chocolate treat.

6 weeks of these pills and I have an empty pill box. I succeeded in something that I have never succeeded in before. I have never finished a course of medication and I have never taken pills regularly enough to get into the habit of it.

Celebrate all the victories, especially the big ones that appear small to others.

Now onto the next 2 boxes.

Laziness Be Gone

October was the month to not be lazy, to re-energise and to get out.

Going out, every day, at least once, regardless of plans or mood. Check.

October was a complete success, likely due to my silence on the matter. I had not mentioned it to anyone, I had just got on and slotted it into my life as though it was a necessity – which it very certainly was!

Let us celebrate, for small achievements!

Acknowledgement​

July is always a horrid month for me and mine.

Too many anniversaries bring feelings full of loss and despair for most of the month.

This month, in the midst of sadness, I have moved out of my shared accommodation and into my own place.

This month is bringing with it a reminder of what being free is, of what it feels like to be a strong and independent woman and an acknowledgement of who I am.

I am allowing myself to be sad but trying to pull myself out of wallowing. To see this month as something other than awful.

It is with this thought in mind that I wonder what next July will bring.

Perhaps, it is time to move past sadness and look for a way to celebrate…