Memories

Walking down the street, hand held by mum,

My eyes shift to the right, and I see you.

Standing in the doorway, cig in hand, 

Arm lifting, you wave. 

Standing in the street, I get stuck talking, 

The village gossips are asking if he’s dead yet. 

Walking down the street, towards me, 

An eye roll gets sent my way, long strides carrying you home.

Waiting for the bus, because what else is there to do,

Movement catches my attention. 

Through the window of your place of work, 

Waving your duster around like a flag. 

Sitting next to you on the bus, laughing like we always did, 

You ask me, “why would you wanna stay?”

Text messages back and forth, “how you getting on?” 

Phone calls just to check-in, and to hear your voice. 

A lifetime of memories, that words can never do justice, 

A lifetime of memories, is all that is left. 

I started a new life, and your life ended, 

And I miss you. 

If Heaven was a Place on Earth

White hair, glasses and radiant smile,
She sits.

The black cat on her knee,
Sleeping.

The muted TV plays on in the background,
The presenter’s loud “180!” can still somehow be heard.

A newspaper’s pages are heard turning,
Followed by the clearing of a voice.

“Guess what”, he says,
With joy in his eyes.

I love you.

The Lost Daughter

I saw someone this week
I drove past them.

Their mannerisms struck me
In those few short seconds.

The grey hair
Growing past your ears.

The female passenger
Stony faced.

I’d been looking for you
And then suddenly there you were.

That Village

They say you know who is true when life gets hard.

The ones who stand forward are the ones who have always been there..

But sometimes, it’s the ones you least expect.

Not because you misjudged their character or their morals

But because they maybe aren’t with you in your every day lives.

All of these people, both the constant and the infrequent

Deserve an acknowledgement,

Some words of thanks.

Sometimes the people who show up

Are not the ones you would have expected.

They say it takes a village to raise a child…

I am that child,

and I am grateful, in this moment, for that village.

Silence

The silence was literally deafening,

The read receipt reads 15:48,

The time ticking by slowly as you count the minutes of silence,

5

6

10

And the clock keeps ticking,

And the silence stays silent.

Nowhere to Hide

Closure
Is that too much to ask?
One simple question
Is all that I have.
Manipulations and deniability are not welcome here.
Never
I have left things be
Always brushed it under the carpet
Constantly; daily.
But,
now the carpet has disappeared and now there is nowhere for it to hide.

Please

“Please, don’t.
I’m tired, I need to sleep tonight.
I have plans tomorrow.
Please.
Not tonight.
I’ll do anything if you fade off.
Just please,
Not tonight.”

#anxiety

Keep Climbing

“There’s a wall in front of you.
It’s tall, it towers over you.
You have to climb it.
In order for you to get to where you want, you have to get to the other side.
So start climbing.
You will fall, at some point.
It’s inevitable.
But does that mean you give up?
If someone drags you down, do you stay down?
No matter what, you climb.
And you do not stop until you are on the other side of that wall!
You do not quit.
Do you understand?
People will always try to stop you or distract you.
But you just keep climbing.
You don’t ever give up on reaching the other side of that wall!”

I Wished For You, Too

The years have been hard,
A dullness, a dark room without any light.

Hands always stretching out ahead, chasing,
Everything always just out of reach.

I thought of you when I needed some colour in the darkness,
A flash of hope, of what I might one day find.

I always had you in the back of my mind, a faceless silhouette,
An imaginary hand to hold, someone to have my back.

Always a hope, an imaginary person who could never exist,
A mind broken and unrepairable, always wanting the impossible.

A decade later and I found ways to light up my own self,
Ways to heal my own soul.

My imaginary person no longer a hope to be held onto,
A dream lost, acceptance and independence taking its place.

A few more years come to pass,
A complete loss of hope, of self.

A change of scenery,
A new found freedom, new beginnings.

A new person,
Appearing out of nowhere, a shock to the system.

Like a breath of fresh air, a sudden cold shower,
Life was no longer just a dim light, colours were returning.

So many words, positive and freeing,
Butterflies and rainbows and everything else in between.

Nights spent talking, sharing,
Happiness no longer seemingly out of reach.

Fate always finds a way,
Destiny, it seems, cannot be avoided.

Sappho

I loved you, Atthis, years ago,
when my youth was still all flowers
and sighs, and you — you seemed to me
such a small ungainly girl.

Can you forget what happened before?

If so, then I’ll remind you how, while lying
beside me, you wove a garland of crocuses
which I then braided into strands of your hair.
And once, when you’d plaited a double necklace
from a hundred blooms, I tied it around
the swanning, sun-licked ring of your neck.
And on more than one occasion (there were two
of them, to be exact), while I looked on, too
silent with adoration to say your name,
you glazed your breasts and arms with oil.
No holy place existed without us then,
no woodland, no dance, no sound.

Beyond all hope, I prayed those timeless
days we spent might be made twice as long.

I prayed one word: I want.

Someone, I tell you, will remember us,
even in another time.

( https://public.wsu.edu/~delahoyd/mythology/sappho.html )