Social Media Generation

facebook-obsession-needs-a-facebook-hiatus( https://breaktheframe.com/facebook-hiatus/ )

I am an unfortunate part of the social media generation. The majority of the time, I hate it – ‘it’ being specifically Facebook.

I have, as of today, deactivated my personal account and created one just for my own positivity. There are zero friends on it – no one there for me to look at and compare my life to.

It is linked in with my WordPress, YouTube and Twitter so that should anyone wish to follow the page – they can do so.

This is with the aim of giving myself a way to share some positivity and continue to improve my mental health going forward into 2019.

 

https://www.facebook.com/ChloeMarshallBlog

The Online Dating Game

I deleted some things today.

I have repeatedly used dating apps and websites with the casual mindset that ‘I might find someone decent to chat to.’ It only ever ends one of two ways;

1 – there’s that one person who can hold a decent conversation which leads to months of discussions and happy butterflies.

2 – theres that one person who can hold a decent conversation which leads to months of discussions and dreadful, sinking, why do I bother-ness.

  • So, step one: delete Tagged (with slight hesitation because there is that one person on there that will stay in my brain for a very long time, that ONE person who I will never be enough for and whom will never be enough for me).
  • Step two: delete Badoo at the same ironic moment that the notification pops up that my ex is online and why not say hello… DELETE.
  • Step three: stay self determined – do not reactivate!

Months (4 of them to be exact) of conversations and even a large declaration of love and planning but still my gut is saying ‘not quite sure what to do here’, and I’m finding that while there is proof (proof that I have ignored) that this other person is just playing the game of online dating, I cannot be mad that I am a part of that ‘play’. It is what it is. My mindset going in was, go with the flow. And I have.

Today however, I reached the point where I just lost the patience to play the game.

I also decided to follow my own advice and listen to my gut (although my brain conjures up the image of Maura Isles continuously disagreeing with me).

 

  “What does your gut say?

I don’t listen to my intestines.”

 ( https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1910236/quotes )

Friendship

There is a moment afterwards when you realise that you have just scrolled through every picture. A hurtful moment during when you realise you do miss them. A sad moment straight after that one when you remember you don’t want them in your life for a reason. And hopefully, that final moment afterwards makes you feel strength. A strength that helps you to close the tab, to close the app, to put down the phone.

A realisation that the happy memories are from years ago and that the recent memories are tainted by being treated carelessly. A realisation that negative repetitive behaviour is not welcome in your life. That if you had been around different people you would have realised sooner how that is not how friendship is supposed to work.

Friendship is two people. People who both want to make an effort to stay in touch and support each other. It is give and take. Not just let me give while you take. I no longer want to give all of myself. I no longer want you to take the little pieces of me that I can never get back.