The Freedom of Truth

You would think I’d have had enough. All of the assignments, the lectures, the stress. Yet, I have spent all day waiting for 5pm. Not for the rest or the break away from work, but for writing.

The relief of knowing I no longer have restrictions placed on my writing to be academic, to be reflective. I can write to enjoy it, write to unwind. The joy of it, the satisfaction of the words coming together and all of it making sense in the end… I have missed it.

Life has taken over and it has taken ‘writing for pleasure’ away from me. Instead, all I have had is writing to meet the domains, to tick boxes on that ever-growing list of things that University ask of us.

I have missed this. I have missed my laptop, missed choosing the font that I want and not the font that University insists we use. All of the little things that make up the bigger ones.

I have missed the freedom of my own truth, my own words, my own self.

I welcome writing back into my life with open arms.

Until the next time.   

As a ‘Writer’…

As a ‘writer’, I find inspiration in everyday life. My mind is constantly writing – looking for things I can borrow from. The earth, the universe, strangers, family, friends, loved ones… I find stories in most things, every day. I find myself narrating in my own mind, more times than I can count – most times without even realising. I mentally write stories about things that never even make it onto the page. Every day. Like an addiction. I write without even being conscious of it, it is within me. It is my nature. I observe and I see. I have a mind cramed full of words. But then I don’t. Social situations are not my nature. They are mostly difficult, with rare exceptions. Talking to talk, is not my nature. Talking about myself openly and without prompting is not my nature. But writing. Writing is like a cool breeze on the hottest day of the year. It is a relief. A hope. A wish. Writing is everything. The weights of the world lift off my shoulders as soon as my fingers run across the keyboard. The scratch of a pen against paper fills my soul with such lightness, it makes my breath stop.

The feeling of that last sentence. Of pulling everything together neatly, of feeling that closure… Of getting to have the last word. Just this once… or until the next time that my fingers meet the keyboard.

 

 

Day 28

And when the rain fell, they looked at each other and they laughed. Running through puddles, pushing and pulling at each other as they ran. Their laughter was loud and happiness radiated from their eyes. To live in the moment was a miraculous thing.

Day 11

And she looked around, took in a huge breath of clean air and jumped. The mountain was high and her board left a wave of snow behind her. Her mind was silent, her body moving so effortlessly down the slopes… is this what heaven feels like…?

Surprisingly, I Did

My goal for April was to read more regularly and surprisingly, I did it.

A little bit of this and that – mostly things for University assignments. An article, a journal, a page or two of a book.

During these uncertain times where motivation is severely lacking, I am surprised to find that I did actually still achieve the goal I had set out to do – without any intention.

What else is 2020 going to surprise me with?

The Voice (anxiety) In My Head

WRITNG PROMPT:

Screenshot 2020-04-13 at 20.38.45Curiosity and the need to write brought me here – to have a go at something I haven’t ever tried before.

“This is risky and I don’t want to do it, you know this but yet here we are despite it.” (20)

“You need to chill out a bit, what do you think is going to happen to us now?!” (19)

“There are so many possibilities right now of what could go awry and we would have no control!” (18)

“…’Of what could go awry’, she says – ‘what could‘, but how about what could actually go right?” (17)

“Don’t mock me, it isn’t appreciated at all and don’t you think I already know that!” (16)

“Open your eyes, live a little, take some risks, lose some of your shitty control.” (15)

“No thank you, I’d rather not – you know rules are there for good reason.” (14)

“Rules are meant to be broken or at the very least, slightly bent!” (13)

“I disagree, rules are there to protect and they keep us safe.” (12)

“You can’t do this forever, you know that don’t you, Chloe?” (11)

“I know myself, I know my limits and my strengths!” (10)

“Then why argue – shouldn’t you be unflappable by now?” (9)

“I am unflappable, I just have personal respect!” (8)

“Oh, is that what this is, Chloe?” (7)

“What else would it possibly be?” (6)

“Some may call it fear…” (5)

“I am not scared!” (4)

“Yes, you are.” (3)

“So what?” (2)

“Exactly!” (1)

 

 

Keep Climbing

“There’s a wall in front of you.
It’s tall, it towers over you.
You have to climb it.
In order for you to get to where you want, you have to get to the other side.
So start climbing.
You will fall, at some point.
It’s inevitable.
But does that mean you give up?
If someone drags you down, do you stay down?
No matter what, you climb.
And you do not stop until you are on the other side of that wall!
You do not quit.
Do you understand?
People will always try to stop you or distract you.
But you just keep climbing.
You don’t ever give up on reaching the other side of that wall!”